Bad sex…What’s that? While I do think there is such a thing as bad orgasms, the more that I reflect on people’s sex life and relationships, I actually think that “bad sex” isn’t really a “thing” as much as people try and make it out to be.
Why? Because when it comes to having bad sex, oftentimes, there are things that can be done to quickly turn it from bad to good. The ‘bachannal’ is, oftentimes people gossip a poor sexual experience up to the act itself when usually, there is far, far more to consider. The kinds of things that, if these were openly and honestly addressed, so-called bad sex probably wouldn’t be an issue at all. Things like the 5 that I’m about to list below:
Unclear Motives
When your living on this earth ‘donkey long’ years, you begin to understand that motives are pretty much the foundation for how things end up going. Motives can also reveal the outcome of many situations too. That’s because a motive is either a goal or an incentive. That said, when it comes to sex specifically, it’s important that when a situation is new that both people are clear—with each other and their prospective partner—about what their goal or incentive is. If it’s just to “get ah break”, it needs to be said. If it’s in hopes of turning a relationship into something more serious, that needs to be noted too. That said, if you don’t really know what your motive is, it’s a pretty good idea to wait until you do. There are far too many people who are unhappy in their relationship and it’s not really because they are sexually dissatisfied so much as they thought that sex was gonna automatically satisfy them in ways outside of the bedroom when it did any and everything…but.
You or Your Partner Is ‘Damn’ Selfish
A selfish lover is worst than drinking ‘Senna pods’. The reason why this is said, is because, the individuals who have a fulfilling sex life can 1000 percent vouch for the fact that, it’s mostly because they are as into getting their partner off as their partner is into giving them pleasure in return. Neither is focused on self nearly as much as they are intentional about satisfying the one who they are with. So if, for whatever the reason, you are in a sexual relationship where you find that you are not getting your needs met—not some of the time but each and every time—you are engaging in a classic definition of bad sex. There are no ifs, ands or—pardon the pun—buts about it. Again, not because of the sex act but the mentality of the person who you’re having sex with.
You’re Doing It FOR Your Partner Rather than WITH Your Partner, that’s d THING
In order to get a good idea of where I’m coming from with this particular perspective. Let’s ‘doh mama guy we self ‘…Some people have yet to experience good sex because they are so focused on engaging in sexual activity because they either believe that is what will keep their partner happy or that is what their partner expects of them. Whether it’s oral or intercourse, don’t pressure yourself into doing something that you’re not ready to do. Trust, far too many women, even trini women, have an unhealthy view of sex and it’s all because they didn’t participate out of desire; it was more like what they deemed to be obligation. Ain’t nothin’ good, wise or healthy about that. Ever!
Yuh Faking It
Who’s a fan of faking orgasms? The word “fake” in the phrase, pretty much gives away the reason why. To be fake is to be disingenuous, deceptive and a fraud. And, even if those words aren’t your intention when it comes to sex, being fake is also about pretending to be something that you’re not. Allyuh, many IzzSo readers have shared with us that they’ve been faking sexual pleasure with their partner, for years now. Two things that always baffles me about that is 1) how their partner hasn’t picked up on it and 2) how resentful “the faker” is, when they are the ones who are choosing to live a lie. Only a peak ego maniac would prefer you acting like you’ve seen the top of the twin-towers in P.O.S. than actually getting there. Besides, if you’re with someone like that, you are definitely engaging in what qualifies as being bad sex—and ‘plain talk-bad manners’, a bad relationship too.
There Is No Foreplay (or Afterplay), Oh Gosh
Intercourse is amazing. Lawdddd knows that it is. The thing seems to make sex feel extra sweet and special, is he feeling of a true connection being made, not the act itself so much as the foreplay that came before and the after-play that followed.
I think it’s because foreplay is like putting all of the ingredients together to make a meal and intercourse is like having the meal after it’s already prepared, if yeah get what I’m saying. If some ingredients are lacking, the meal will not taste just right. Meanwhile, afterplay is a moment of feeling very safe, appreciated and valued. Because, oh gosh! Many of us know what it’s like to have sex with someone, have an orgasm, and then roll over and immediately be like, “Why did I just do dey?”
8.5 times outta 10, when you want to experience afterplay with someone, what you’re conveying is you desire to still be intimate with them, beyond sexual pleasure. And when two people share this sentiment, the sexual experience, from beginning to end, tends to be pretty damn good oye!!!
In conclusion, Your mind, body and spirit are alerting you that something isn’t quite right and you need to tend to that…so that you can experience good sex in the future.
COMMENTS